I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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