Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
