Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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