I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
