First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
