just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
