I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
