I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
