Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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