i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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