he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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