did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
