Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
