i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
