need another drink. this is the easiest way
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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