And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
