honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
