Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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