I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
