Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
