Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
