I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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