Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
