Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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