I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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