My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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