the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
