U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
