It's Friday. Sex?
he thought i was a dude.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
