So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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