Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
