he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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