I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
