I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
