every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
where are you?
Hypothermia
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You are the jesus of drinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
