I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
