Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
