please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
