I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
