we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
