I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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