yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
