ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
