it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
