I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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