Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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