Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
