last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
