I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
