If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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