if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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