I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
