"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
