i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
