I understand Curling. That high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
